The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (Page 280)
Hazel: Touch the cave wall.
Computer: You touch the cave wall. It is moist.
Isaac: Lick the cave wall.
Computer: I do not understand. Repeat?
Hazel: Hump the moist cave wall.
Computer: You attempt to jump. You hit your head.
Isaac: Not jump. HUMP.
Computer: I don't understand.
Isaac: Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.
Computer: You attempt to ju-
Hazel: Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.
Computer: I do not-
Isaac: Make sweet love to the cave.
Computer: I do not-
Hazel: FINE. Follow left branch.
Computer: You follow the left branch. The passage narrows.
Hazel: Crawl.
Computer: You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows.
Hazel: Snake crawl.
Computer: You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a small mound of rocks blocking your passageway.
Hazel: Can I hump the cave now?
Computer: You cannot jump without standing.
Isaac: I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters.
COmputer: I don't understand-
Isaac: Me neither. Pause.

syphilyssa:

i really like it when boys look nice in suits like wow a+ you can wear that to my bedroom

(via saxosexual)

safe-behind-bars:

older-aang:

kuro-tokyo:

scared the shit out of me every time

my dad wants this to be played at the beginning of his funeral

reblogging again just for that omg
Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me: *turns up music*
Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Me:
Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop: I can make that happen.
Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train: *applauds*

spookyjacob:

ur not allowed to be busy youre my only friend

(via impressing-myself)

Reblog if you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender or a supporter.

This should be reblogged by everyone. Even if you’re straight, you should be a supporter.

(via ifeel-numbb)

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